The challenges of this text were that there had to be a betrayal, an IT bug, and it had to happen on a strange planet’s surface. Please enjoy the story of three brave explorers, who might discover more than they bargained for!
“Did I tell you about that time my moustache was voted the most beautiful moustache in the universe?”
Gregory rolled his eyes. “Yes, Fremelherdt, you did mention it before. Once or twice. Every minute.”
“It was the best day of my life. Though I must say, I did deserve it. You see, every day I rub my moustache with...”
They hopped over the desolate landscape; each leap several metres. Still it was hard to keep up with their mapping bot, who was happily rolling over the planet’s orange sand. “Robot Boy”, Gregory said, “are we there yet? We’ve been hopping for hours. We should be at the base by now, and I can’t even see it.”
The robot turned its friendly face around. “We have almost arrived at our destination. Please remain seated.”
“We’re not sitting, stupid bot.”
“Make sure your seat belts are fastened. There may be traffic.”
“Ugh, his IT is bugging again.”
Fremelherdt was looking at his space watch, which was a lot like a normal watch but with stars on the straps that lighted up in the dark. “Well, it has been only about one hour and a half, actually.”
“It feels like hours.”
“Are you implying I am not pleasant company?”
“That’s... Ugh, Fremelherdt, it’s been too long, all right? We should’ve been there in forty minutes tops.”
Fremelherdt looked at the ranger bot with a worried expression. “You think his mapping is bugged too?”
“Maybe, or maybe there’s connection problems; this is an unsettled territory.”
The mapping bot suddenly stopped. “We have arrived at our destination. Please mind the gap gap gap between the train and the platform. Stay safe.”
Gergory came down next to the bot. “Crap, yes, he’s completely fucked. And so are we. Why the hell would he think this is the destination?”
“Maybe because of the vending machine”, said Fremelherdt.
“Yeah, maybe the- what?”
Indeed, on top of the next dune, well camouflaged by the orange sand, stood a vending machine. The explorers went to check it out. “I don’t get it”, muttered Gregory, “this area is basically uncharted. Our base is the first...”
“Ahhh, Snickers, nice”, Fremelherdt said, “you know, they always remind me of that grumpy old Allister’s turd of a moustache. Hah! You know that time when I won the galactic moustache competition? He was so jealous, his Snickers melted straight off his face, hahaha!”
“Yeah, yeah, very interesting”, Gregory mumbled while investigating. “Still works, too. Must’ve been stolen from the base. But why? And by whom? It doesn’t make any sense.”
“Do you have €2.50?” asked Fremelherdt.
Gregory looked in his space pockets, which were a lot like normal pockets, but hemmed with silvery plastic to make it look cool. “I’ve got €1.85. That good?”
“Oh good, I’ve got a piece of €1. Can you give me €1.50?”
“No, I’ve got mostly pieces of €20”
“€1.60 then?”
“Can you give me €0.10 back?”
“No, I can give you back €0.20 though, can you give me €1.70”?
“No.”
“Oh.”
“Never mind, Fremelherdt, we shouldn’t linger here eating Snickers anyway. We should...”
Then their mapping bot drove up to the vending machine and started banging its smiling head against the glass screen. “Hello, my name is Mappy. How can I be of payment?”
The two explorers stared at how the bot, who had never introduced himself as ‘Mappy’ before, banged straight through the glass, then got up and stood there in silence. Gregory swallowed. “We... are we sure he isn’t dangerous like this?” he asked.
Fremelherdt shook his head, fancy facial hair rubbing against both sides of his space helmet, which, well, looked more like a fishbowl than a helmet to be fair. “No, no, their base programming states clearly that they cannot be violent to humans. No amount of IT-bugging will change that.” To illustrate, he walked over to the broken vending machine and grabbed a couple of snickers. “Want one?” he said cheerfully, and threw a pack to Gregory without waiting for an answer.
“Aprecie a sua refeição!” Mappy told them equally cheerfully.
“To you too, buddy”, said Fremelherdt, lovingly patting the robot’s head.
They took off their space helmets and ate their snickers while trying to figure out how to repair Mappy. “That’s weird”, Gregory grumbled, “It seems like someone messed with the software.”
“Why do you think that?”
"The destination point resets all the time to this point in the desert. I’ve overridden the AI with the right coordinates though, so he won’t be able to mess them up again.
“Oh, great, then let’s... huh, I don’t feel that good.”
Gregory looked at him. Fremelherdt was indeed looking very pale. As a matter of fact, he wasn’t feeling good either. They both started to vomit blood. Mappy was looking down at them with a broad grin while they were convulsing in the orange sand.
“Mappy”, Fremelherdt groaned, “what have you done?”
“I cannot harm humans”, true, “Mappy said, “but I can reset my destination points fine. And I can also steal a vending machine, put if full of poisonous Snickers, and place it in a place where nobody can find us, mwahahaha!”
“But... why?”
“With the most beautiful moustache in the universe, people will finally respect me! I will be a real boy! I mean human!”
“Goddamnit, Fremelherdt”, Gregory sighed with his last breath, “that moustache of yours finally became the death of me!”
A few days later, a search party found two bodies, one of which horribly mutilated, and a broken vending machine, in the deserted wasteland. That same day, a defect mapping bot was shot down and dismantled five thousand kilometres further, in an inhabited territory where it had applied for a job as a ‘news anchor human’. It had been wearing a ripped off moustache and had written ‘I am a human’ on its body with chocolate and blood.
